


The Story of Me

by galaxyblueflame



Category: ryan - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Child Abuse, Drug Use, Friendship, Happy Moments too, Nonfiction, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape, Real Life, Reality, SUPER DEPRESSING, a mess of emotions, angsty, cannon ig, crappy friends, good friends too, its not all bad, just a person who has been through some things, my diary, my origin story, overdramatic probably, the rantings of a suicidal teenager
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 02:53:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15354642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxyblueflame/pseuds/galaxyblueflame
Summary: Honestly I have no idea, this is basically a diary, an autobiography, a mess. This is the story of me





	1. Prologue

It all started on September 18, 1999.

 

My birth date, or more accurately, my removal day, but we'll get to that later.

 

My mom was only 7 months pregnant with me. She decided to go and visit her friend, it wasn't that far away. She was staying with my dad and my nana, because grandma is honestly a terrible person. The two always fought, she ended up kicking her out of the house off and on again.

 

Anyways, my mom went to drive to her friend's. I can't say much of what happened, because I was in her stomach. According to her, she had fainted. Next thing she knew, she was driving off the road, right into a pole.

 

She had to get rushed to the hospital, the steering wheel also crushed into her stomach, and me. They had her wait for hours, a misconduct on their fault.

 

Because of this all, she had to get an emergency c-section. If you don't know, that's where they cut you open to remove the baby, hence why I called it my removal day.

 

I was born blue, according to witnesses (my mother, and my father I guess? My family). My chord had ripped, I was not getting anything, really. I had to be put in an incubator for at least 6 weeks, could be more. I was never told too much details of this. All I know is that it was a miracle I had survived.

 

But of course, it wasn't all happy go lucky. I ended up having renal failure, which is kidney failure. I'm not sure which one, but yeah, it sucks. It's pretty rare for me to have it, most people who have it is old people. So I guess you can say I just keep beating the odds?

 

I was always sick, nauseous. Turns out that was a side effect, I did not even know about that until recently. I missed a ton of school because of this, but we can get more into that later. I also struggle with sleeping, insomnia is also a side effect. It kind of really sucks, you know? I don't know if it's always because of my renal failure or not, I hate talking about it, because it's like I'm using it as some excuse.

 

But that was how I was removed, it was quite an exciting day. It was all like a domino effect, or more like the beginning. It was a start of something, of my life.


	2. Early Years: Mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mild abuse i guess? Violence is mentioned

When I was a tiny bopper, I lived with my mother the majority of my life. Let's get this out of the way first, she was not a nice lady.

 

The most I remember when I look back was terror, pure terror.

 

To me, she has anger issues. Anything I did seemed to set her off. Stay up too late? Too loud? Running around? Those were big no-no's. She'd hit you with whatever, a belt, shoe, her hands, whatever she felt like. I could just be standing there, and she would scream at me.

 

I became terrified of her.

 

When I was younger, I had bed wetting problems. I couldn't help it! But my mom would flip every time, ripping me by my hair. So one night, I actually sat frozen on my bed. I stayed up all night, it was like I was in some trance. I don't even remember most of it, it felt like it was gone in a flash, but I was scared to sleep. Because I know I'd have an accident, and I know my mother would hit me.

 

I remember this one time my family and I was living with my aunt. I was maybe 10 or 11? It's too hazy to actually say. I was running around the table in the dining hall with my cousin. Okay, I know I probably shouldn't! But my mom flipped. She grabbed me by the hair and boom, hit me right in the face. I think that was one of my first ever nose bleeds.

 

One time in third grade, my brother and I was messing around. We were playing on the phone, pressing random numbers and such, dialing them up. Well, he dared me to put 911 in it! I didn't think it would actually call the police if you added it in a string of numbers, so I did it. lo and behold, they actually answered! I panicked and hung up, I thought that was it. My brother and I went on with our day. That was, until the police showed up at the house. After my stepdad and mom apologized and excused them, she turned to me furious. She takes me up to her room, tells me to sit on the floor and spread out my arms. My mom grabbed her belt and hit my hands back and forth, screaming at me that I can never touch the phone again. I was crying, but not because of the pain, but because I was so scared of her. She was so angry, her face was so red.

 

I could go on with tons of these stories, because they happened almost daily, but I won't bore you with them! Do I think she was abusive? No, I think she was just a terrible parent. She had me when she was young, 18. It's not like she had the best parents either, they were basically the same as she was. Neglectful, mean, spiteful. She went through a lot too. So no, I don't think she was necessarily abusive, just a really terrible parent. If anything, maybe borderline emotionally abusive, and just a teeny bit physically so, but I don't know.

 

My mom and dad weren't together, so I would go to his house every weekend. Though, my mom and dad did not get along. Every conversation, they would scream and yell at each other, most of the time, it was all started by my mother. She just likes to fight.

 

This wasn't the best for me, because my mom would use her anger and bitterness and turn it on me. If I couldn't go to my dad's, because he was busy like working or hunting, my mom would just. I remember these times so clearly. Because my mom would tell me that I couldn't go to my dad's because, "he doesn't want you there, he doesn't love you!" That kind of really messed me up, if I'm being honest.

 

When I did go to my dad's though, it was a nightmare to bring me back home! Every time, without fail, I would break down crying. I didn't want to go back, I was legit terrified of her. My dad never understood, he assumed I just loved him so much. He didn't see what my mom does as bad, he didn't care.

 

Whenever she was actually nice, I was genuinely creeped out! I would think, "this is not normal, is something wrong?" One day, I had come in the house dirty. My stepdad (stephon) was yelling at me. My mom came over and hugged me, saying he shouldn't be mean to her baby, her princess. Now that I look back on it, I think it was to spite him, because they were having an argument, but 6 year old me did not think that way. I was freaked out, and that was an understatement! I was worried for her, thinking something was wrong. I expected her to have a problem with her brain, or to tell me someone was dying. I just could not wrap my head around her being kind? It rarely happened, normally it was either her yelling and hitting, or just met being neutral, but never nice. That was not normal for us.

 

The moral of the story though, I was terrified of her. And I think that's kind of really sad, because a child should never be terrified of their parent. I still am scared of her, and I always will be.


	3. Early Years: Stephon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of violence

Stephon was my moms boyfriend for the longest time. He's the father to my two little sisters. He's a mess.

 

He used to live with us, and boy did he have some serious anger issues! Now him, I'm not afraid to label as abusive.

 

Any little thing you'd do, he would flip. Luckily, I didn't experience much pain from him, mostly because I was his favorite, if I'm being honest. He adored me. Probably because I was rarely ever actually bad, and I would sit and listen to his paranoid ramblings.

 

He was one of those outlandish paranoid conspiracy theorists. He refused to say anything too person on the phone, because the government was always listening. Whenever he told me these stories, he would whisper, in fear they'd hear him. He said his mind was open, that he was afraid the government would kill him because of it. I remember one day he was talking about the future, and how soon data would be implanted into our arms, these chips, for 'easy access' to such things like technology. He told me to never get them, because that's the governments way to control us. I guess he's the reason why I'm sort of a conspiracy theorist.

 

Anyways, I may have lucked out, but my family did not.

 

I remember one time he was mad at my brother. I don't exactly remember for what, this was back when I was around 9-10? So my brother was around the same age. So, stephon had grabbed him by his arm, dangling him in the air as he hit him all over.

 

I think my sisters got the worse, as they were the worse behaving? He would hit them until bruises would form. He didn't care that they were young, he didn't care how hard they screamed and cried.

 

At my old house, there was a giant hole in the wall. It was because he snapped one day, and punched it out. He was scarily strong, and used all his strength when he was angry. He was honestly really dangerous.

 

My mom and him was off and on a lot. He was pretty young at the time, barely in his 20's! He was still immature, angry, a child. He was not ready for a life with a family. So sometimes they would break up, he would disappear, but he would always come back.

 

My mom and stephon would fight a lot, a day wouldn't go by without them screaming at each other. I only remember one time he ever actually hit her though.

 

I was about 12 at the time? I was sitting in my room, when my sisters came up crying their eyes out. I heard screaming, so I ran downstairs to see what was all going on.

 

There stephon was, choking my mom over the banister above the stairs.

 

That was the day they officially ended it, though he came around years later, but that's a story for a different time.

 

He was never a good guy, immature, a child.

 

I remember some of the things I'd witnessed. He had a gun, gold I believe? Stephon never really bothered hiding it, it was under his pillow, or in a drawer. My sisters actually found it one day, laughing and waving it around. He was not happy.

 

When I was in 3rd grade, he had showed me something. I have no idea why he did, but I guess he thought it was a good idea. He took me in the bathroom and showed me a plant. He was so proud of himself for growing his own weed.

 

I also remember glimpses of money. He once showed me a bunch of hundred dollar bills. I really don't know why he would show me any of this stuff, I was a kid, I didn't understand.

 

Only recently had I found out why he was so angry, why he would disappear.

 

My mom confessed that he was a heroin addict, that he was hopped up on it all my life. The times he would disappear, he would be in and out of rehab, but he never changed. He stayed on the drug. That was why his mood was all over the place.

 

He was just a kid, he wasn't ready for any of this. I understand, but it doesn't make what he does okay, and I don't think I can ever forgive him. I may not like my family, but it doesn't mean you can hurt them.


End file.
